Is Saving Sexy? Is Talking about Finances Romantic?

Laura Crowley wrote an article about the romance of talking about finances. Oh, it seems silly - Happy Valentine's Day, honey! Let's talk about the budget! - but maybe not. In my house, we talk before holidays about what our gift expectations are, and what our budget is. It's unspontaneous, sure, but there haven't been any "how could you buy me a toaster when I got you a sports car?!" arguments, either. And the B word - budget - has been helpful for holiday spending choices, too. This is my second marriage. In my first marriage, I was always the bad guy because I tried to limit our spending to increase our saving. I got lucky this time around - I found someone I love and respect, and I also stumbled upon the perfect fall guy, Mr. Budget.

Okay, honestly, Mr. Budget doesn't get a lot of blame, but he gets to be the unromantic guy that says "Diamond tiaras for President's Day?! No way!" We agreed on a gift budget for the year, and our pre-holiday budget discussions usually go something like this:

"How much do we want to budget for [upcoming holiday]?"

"I dunno. How much do you want to budget?"

"I dunno. How much do you think is reasonable?"

"I dunno. How much do you think is reasonable?"

(Side note: Before we created a budget, this conversation would go on 5 minutes, get nowhere, and repeat every few days until the holiday itself. Now, thanks to the budget, we have an out.)

"Well, we've budgeted $__ for the year. We have $__ left. Will 10% of that work?"

"Gosh, that's not much. Do you want to just exchange cards and have a nice dinner?"

"Sure."

"Okay."

There are certainly holidays where we decide to exceed our budget. But looking at the budget first makes us mindful that the extra money has to come from somewhere - withdraw it from savings or cut some other expense. We both hate withdrawing from savings. Since we're honest with each other, we know that steaks and lattes are a luxury, and we know where we can cut back.

Chocolates and flowers are romantic gestures, but creating a way of dealing with finances that honors both partner's fiscal AND emotional needs in the long-term and short-term, that's more than a gesture. It's like getting the brakes fixed or buying clothes for the guy who hates to shop or doing the early feeding so she can sleep in. It's grown-up love, and it's romantic in a very boring, very loving way. It says "I hope I don't, but I could die. I want you to have a good, happy life without me," and then buys life insurance. It recognizes that "til death do we part" is a mighty long time, so we'd better build some savings. It puts more credence on keeping a healthy heart then on buying a fake diamond heart. This Valentine's Day, as I count my blessings, I'll spend a moment being grateful for the Hallmark-free gestures of love that sometimes get taken for granted.

Besides, a good budget always has room for chocolates.

Happy Valentine's Day!