An old joke about being Saved

I lived in Louisiana for a few years in the 90s. I worked with a local woman whose sister had just gotten indoor plumbing - all the neighbors came to see it. There are people out in the rural bogs who make their living off insurance checks - their trailers ain't worth nuthin', but every year, when their trailers flood out again, the insurance companies declare the trailer a total loss and pay out 10 or 20 thousand dollars. It ain't much, but it's a livin'. There's an old Louisiana joke about floods and God. This article reminded me of it today: Happy Mother's Day: Woman pregnant with 18th child about a couple who are gonna keep having babies as long as God keeps sending them. The recent news about a family that prayed until their daughter died of diabetes brought it to mind, as well.

So the joke goes, there's a flood out in one of the small bayou towns. The flood waters reach Gautreau's house, rising so fast that Gautreau can't get out. Gautreau, being a good God-fearin' Christian, proceeds to pray like he's never prayed before. The flood waters reach the first floor, then the second. Gautreau manages to climb up on the roof. The flood waters reach the soffits under the roof. Gautreau's friend, Boudreaux comes rowing up in a pirogue, and calls out "Gautreau, Gautreau, lucky I reached you in time! Dis flood's da worst I ever seen. Come, I hep you into da pirogue." Gautreau pauses a moment in his prayers to answer Boudreaux, "Boudreaux, you go on an' git outta here. The lord gon' save me." Boudreaux argues, "No, Gautreau, come on, it's too dangerous, git in da pirogue!" But Gautreau stands firm, "Boudreaux, I'm a good God-fearin' Christian, and I'm tellin' you, the Good Lord is gon' save me. You, however, are the devil's hand-maiden, and you'd best git, cause God ain't gon' save the likes of you." Boudreaux shrugs and sets out on his pirogue.

The flood waters reach the bottom row of roof shingles, and Gautreau prays like he's never prayed before. A rescue helicopter sees Gautreau, and comes to save him. One of the rescuers throws down a ladder, and yells instructions to Gautreau about how to climb the ladder without falling. Gautreau shouts back "Naw, I'm a good God-fearin' Christian, and I don't need to be rescued. The Good Lord above is gon' save me." Gautreau goes back to his praying. The rescuer urges Gautreau to climb the ladder as the flood waters reach the middle of the roof. The rescuer tells Gautreau, "There's no time for that! Climb the ladder, the flood's gonna sweep you away!" But Gautreau stands firm, telling the rescuers to go away so he can get back to his prayin'. Sure enough, the flood waters reach the top of the roof. The rescue copter comes back for another pass, but Gautreau waves them away. The flood waters rise to Gautreau's waist, and the water flow tears Gautreau off his roof. Gautreau drowns.

At the pearly gates, Gautreau meets his maker. Gautreau says, "Well, Lord, I guess it was my time." God answers, "Naw, you just drowned." Gautreau wails, "but Lord, you sent the floods! I prayed and prayed, and awaited your salvation, Lord." God answers, "Gautreau, I sent a boat and a helicopter! What more do you want?!"